


No Trolls In Central Park

by Stripe



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Honeymoon, Multi, New York City
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 15:42:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11466609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stripe/pseuds/Stripe
Summary: John, Jade, Rose, and Dave take their honeymoon trip to New York City, but they get a little lost.Alternative Title: What Happens When Your Last Smart Phone Dies





	No Trolls In Central Park

**Author's Note:**

  * For [starangelciel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/starangelciel/gifts).



> So I actually have another fic in the works for the same prompt, but as the deadline came up, I realized there was no way I was going to be able to finish it - so expect a much longer and more ambitious Beta OT4 fic in the future!
> 
> Written for the following prompt: 
> 
> "Jade Harley, Dave Strider, John Egbert, Rose Lalonde
> 
> I really love AUs. I would love a situation where they were stranded or lost somewhere, whether that be by the side of the road or up in space! I just really enjoy it when they work with each other and trust each other deeply. I'd also love a happy ending. Drama, angst or anything like that along the way is totally cool though!"
> 
> As a heads up: there are some hints at John/Jade and Dave/Rose in the following fic, though in this universe the characters are not related to each other.

"Rose, are you absolutely sure that this is the right way? Because I am looking at this map, and I'm looking at where we are and that where that fancy restaurant you told us about is, and I don't know if we're going the right way." John squints as he looks at his phone. "Yeah, uh, our little blue dot is definitely headed _away_ from the restaurant. Not towards it."

"This is a shortcut," Rose says simply. "I know my way around New York City, John. I went here on many an occasion when I was younger. I can assure you that we are going the right direction just as much as I can assure you that this restaurant is the ideal location for a honeymoon dinner."

Dave peers over to look at John's phone, eyebrows raised very slightly. "Uh, yeah," he says, "Rose, unless New York is actually made of like, non-Euclidian geometry, I don't think we're getting anywhere near. Not to doubt your countless years of experience or nothing, but I think the street numbers should be going up."

Rose stops so suddenly that Jade very nearly runs into her, and she gets some nasty looks from the locals. At least one of them mutters "fucking tourists" as he shoves past them. The four quickly shuffle off to the side of the sidewalk, pressing as close to a storefront as they can manage.

"Let me see that," Rose says, quickly snatching the phone away from John. She squints as she looks at the map, zooming in and zooming out, rotating it around, doing anything possible to try and make sense of it. Finally, she concludes, "Ah."

The other three give her a cautious look, and it's Jade who finally hazards, "Ah?"

"It is possible that I've gotten us lost. I think we made a wrong turn several blocks ago, which has had us going in the wrong direction." She clears her throat, doing her best to maintain a calm facade. Still, it's clear to anybody who knows her that she's embarrassed based on the way that her lips thin and the way that she twists the ring on her finger - still new, but already an obvious tell.

The other three manage to wear calm faces in light of this news, even if there are slight twitches that Rose can read just as well as they can read her. "When you say several blocks," Dave says, voice a controlled monotone, "how much is several? Like, are we talking five blocks or fifteen?"

"Closer to fifteen," Rose admits. "Probably more than fifteen. I'm sure we could count if you really wanted to scour the map and perform some basic arithmetic, but I would much rather move on."

John groans and runs a hand through his hair, causing it to stick up even more than it usually does. "So that means that we need to walk all the way back for fifteen blocks?" he asks. 

"And then some," Rose confirms. She looks back down to John's phone, going to zoom the map out once more... but her eyes suddenly widen. "Oh."

Again, it's Jade to mimic her vague statement back at her. "Oh?"

"I think John's phone died." She turns to display the darkened screen to the other three.

All eyes turn to John. "Uh, John?" Jade asks. "Did you remember to charge it?"

John suddenly can't look at them. "Well... Rose seemed so confident that she knew where we were going today that I didn't think we'd need to be using it for navigation! So... not really?"

A frustrated sigh passes over the other three. "Yes, let's make this my fault again," Rose says. "Normally, I would be happy to provide my own phone for navigational purposes, but as I'm sure you remember, it got lost in the hubbub of the reception. Dave?"

"Left mine behind at the hotel. You know. To charge."

Quietly, all eyes turn to Jade. Jade bites on her lip and then pulls out her phone - an old-fashioned flip phone. "Sorry," she says. "It's just supposed to be a temp phone until I can switch over to one of your phone plans. I thought it could wait until after the honeymoon..."

"...So we're fucked," Dave puts it simply. "We have four millenials standing right here and not a single one of us has a functioning smart phone on us. And we're in the middle of New York Fucking City."

"I'm... sure there has to be a map around here somewhere?" Jade purses her lips and looks around, but to no avail. They aren't near any notable landmarks or any sort of tourist trap that would provide helpful information. The most notable thing about the street corner they're on is the food cart that's across the street from them. 

Dave scoffs. "Unless that guy selling hot dogs is gonna draw out a detailed map of Manhattan in ketchup, I don't think there's any maps around, Jade. Our last hope at a map just died with John's phone."

A brief silence falls over the four newlyweds. 

"Well," Rose reasons after a moment, "as long as we can find a subway station, we can always navigate our way back that way. I do remember how to get from our stop to the hotel, at the very least."

"Yeah," Dave agrees, shoving his hands in his pockets. "It's not like we're doomed, I guess? But do we want to just head back, like, take John's dead phone as a sign of an impending fun-pocalypse. Like the apocalypse but only fun stuff is dying out and leaving the boring stuff around."

"But we just spent, like, probably fifty hours walking all the way out here," John says. "I guess we got to see a lot of the city? But I don't want my entire experience of New York to just be walking around, getting lost, and then heading back! We should try and do _something_ fun while we're out here, even if nobody has a working GPS. I mean- we spent all of yesterday in the hotel. And that was fun, but I want to do something we can only do in New York before we fly home."

“But how the hell are we gonna find something fun to do without the wonders of modern technology?” Dave remarks with a wry little smile. “Like, without other denizens of the Internet grading each possible location on an arbitrary system of stars? What if we accidentally stumble onto a one-star establishment, John?”

“Truly, doing things the old-fashioned way is so... ghastly,” Rose remarks with a dramatic hand placed over her for her forehead. “How could anybody be expected to survive like this?”

Jade nudges both of her spouses, unable to stop from giggling. “We will just have to find a way! Be brave!”

John rolls his eyes, but there's an undeniably fond smile on his face too. "You two are the worst!"

"For now, should we maybe go back the way we came?" Jade offers, gesturing over her shoulder. "Maybe we passed something really cool, and just didn't notice it!"

"I suppose we can give it an honest go." Rose gives a nod, and the four of them begin to walk down the sidewalk, clumping together with linked arms and hands in order to avoid pissing off more of the locals. 

They pass a number of different sights; barber shops and flower shops and restaurants for any type of cuisine that they could possibly dream up. They pass the entrances to multiple apartment complexes and they pass more banks and drug stores than they can count. 

The people they pass are interesting, too; couples and groups of friends and families and locals and tourists and businessmen and starving artists, all going about their own lives and ignoring the four strange people who cling to each other like lifelines. Its unique and exciting and somehow not at all out of the ordinary.

Yet nothing stops them and calls for their attention. Not for a while. Not until John sees something from the corner of his eye, looking down the cross-street.

"Woah, hold up a sec." He stops, and causes the other three to nearly run right into him. 

"Shit, John, you're gonna get the locals to put out wanted posters on our asses," Dave says. "Go Elmer Fudd on us, put up the poster to officially declare it Annoying Tourist Season. You can't just stop like that and expect that people won't start to hate us."

"What do you see, John?" Rose asks, instinctively herding her significant others over to be out of the way.

"I think... Central Park? I mean, I see some green and trees, anyways. That's Central Park right?"

"There is more than one park in New York City, you know," Rose remarks.

Jade is already grabbing Dave and Rose by the wrists, dragging them towards the splash of green a few blocks down the road. "Who cares which park it is? It's still a park - we should go!" 

"I guess we're going, then," Dave says, stumbling along behind Jade. John laughs as he follows them. The closer they get to the sign of green, the faster Jade gets, and the more the others have to scramble to keep up with her. They push past the slower people on the sidewalk, finally experiencing the pain of slow tourists for themselves. 

When they finally reach the border, all four of them stop and stare in quiet awe. There is a sea of green before them that stands in sharp contrast to the rows upon rows of buildings that stand behind them. Looking down the street on either side shows no end to the park, the greenery continuing down in what feels like an infinite line. 

"Well," Rose says, "I think we have certainly found Central Park. I'm sure that if we just walk along the edge here we'll find ourselves a subway station eventually."

"But we're not gonna do that yet, right?" John doesn't wait for an answer as he leads them across the street to one of the entrances to the park. "I mean- we're at Central Park! That's where Balto is! We've gotta go in!"

"Yeah!" Jade agrees. "We need to see Balto!" 

"I'm not sure whether Balto is an achievable goal," Rose admits, though she follows John's lead into the park. "Central Park is more than two miles long and, need I remind you, we don't exactly have a proper navigation system. The chances of us happening upon the vaunted Balto statue by chance are slim." 

"Aw, c'mon, you're breaking Jade's furry heart, here," Dave says. Jade pouts at Rose for good measure before bursting into laughter. 

"I don't really care where we go. I just want to explore a little!"

Explore they do. The paths in Central Park feel larger and less crowded than the sidewalks of the city, so the four of them are able to spread out a little - though they don't stray far. Jade tangles her fingers with Dave, who in turn reaches out to grab John's hand, who has his other hand occupied by Rose. Jade swings her hand linked with Dave, who sends the arm swinging down the chain, until even Rose, with a small smile, is joining in. 

They pass by statues, and Rose pulls them aside to each one to read off the epitaph in her most dramatic-sounding voice. Whenever they pass a musician, Dave rates their performance on a scale of how good it would sound as a dance remix, and John makes sure to tip all of them. Jade bites back the urge to chase every squirrel. All four of them ignore the odd looks that they get from those who see them walk by; even if the setting is new, the looks are something they are entirely used to.

Still, the four of them are not invincible, and something has to give. After what feels like an eternity, Rose clears her throat. "Could we perhaps... sit for just a moment? These boots, as it turns out, were not well-made for walkin' after all." She gestures at her feet, somewhat forlornly.

"Yeah, I guess we have been going for a while!" John assures her. "Come on, let's find a bench to sit at. I think I see one just around this corner here..."

Sure enough, as they round the corner, there's a bench right there, stretched out long enough for all four of them to have a seat. That is not, however, what grabs their attention. 

Dave starts laughing. "Holy shit. What are the odds?"

Standing there across from the benches in all of his metallic glory is a statue of Balto the dog. Jade immediately rushes over and poses next to it.

"Somebody take my picture!"

"With what, Jade?" Dave asks, expression pained. "Nobody has a working phone. Does your flip phone have a camera?"

"Nooo!"

Rose, for her part, settles down on the bench and lets out a long, pleased sigh as the pressure is finally off of her feet. Dave settles down next to her, and a dejected Jade takes her other side. John sits next to Jade and wraps his arm around her shoulders in such a way that also allows him to poke Rose's shoulder. 

"Well," Rose says, "here we are, lost in New York City. It's tiring, but I suppose it's romantic in some ways, isn't it?" 

"Yeah, comes straight out of a shitty rom com or something," Dave agrees, leaning back and looking up at the trees. The sun is starting to set, giving everything a yellowish tinge. 

"It can't be shitty if you're in it!" Jade says, leaning over to look at him from the other side of Rose. She's grinning in such a way that lets him know that she knows exactly how cheesy that is. 

"That or it makes it so shitty that it's ironic," John adds, twirling a strand of Jade's hair around his finger. 

A dopey smile crosses Dave's face - the kind of dopey smile that only the three of them can get out of him. "See, John gets it. You gotta lean into that shit, wait until you're fully coated in it so that you're basically shit camo-"

Jade's nose scrunches up. "Dave!! Ew! Gross!"

All four of them laugh before letting a pleasant silence fall over them, letting the sounds of other park goers and the distant sounds of the city gently drift by. 

"Tomorrow," Rose says finally, "we will make sure that our phones are charged and that I know exactly where we are trying to go. No more getting lost. No more missed photo opportunities. And we will have the most romantic dinner you can imagine."

"It was kind of fun, though," John admits. "I mean, I wish my phone had been alive, but just kind of... wandering? And looking at things? Not knowing what we'd find? That was fun."

Jade sets her head on Rose's shoulder and weaves their fingers together with a soft smile. "Anything we do together is fun, though," she says. "I don't care where we are or what we are doing as long as its with the three of you." 

John gives her an over-the-top skeptical look. "I don't know, Jade. I don't think I would want to do, like, brain surgery with you guys. Then all of us would be sued for malpractice and we would be super broke forever."

"John, shoosh! I am trying to be romantic here!"

Dave chimes in. "Ain't nothing romantic about malpractice lawsuits, Jade."

Once again, the sound of their laughter fills the air, and the four of them lean against one another, feeling truly at peace.


End file.
